The Multidimensional Array

a parody of Lost in Space: The Next Generation
a/k/a V'Ger
a/k/a Star Trek: Voyager

This was inspired by my description of our budget as a "multidimensional array," which sounds like it could be one of the many SPATIAL ANOMOLIES that Voyager has encountered.

Paris:

Captain, sensors are picking up a multidimensional array ahead.

Kim:

Oh, no! What should we do?

Tuvok:

Kim, you should not make comments such as that in front of the junior crewmembers. You will cause them to panic, which will disrupt order.

Janeway:

Ah, yes, I think you've hit on the solution. Or maybe not. I don't care. I mean, I do care, deeply, but it doesn't matter. Well, it matters that I care, but what I mean is that it doesn't matter if that is the solution or not. Of course, it does matter what the solution is, but right now we must all not cause the junior officers to panic. Yes...that's it. I really feel that's right.

Chakotay:

Perhaps a special native Terran meditation technique I know will help both us and the junior officers to keep calm. First Captain, I will need your permission to tattoo everybody...

Torres (impatiently interrupting):

Captain, let me kill all the junior officers, and then we won't have to worry about alarming them.

Doctor (on monitor):

This is the Emergency Holographic Medical Program butting in even though it's none of my business, but I feel left out because you never tell me anything. May I remind you that there is a multidimensional array directly in our flight path?

Janeway:

Thank you, doctor. You are absolutely right. Don't ever correct us again.

The ship shakes.

Paris:

Captain, you didn't tell me to change our flight path, and since Starfleet protocol doesn't allow for independent thought, we've just entered the multidimensional array.

Janeway:

Ah, yes, isn't it magnificent? In a strange sort of way, it's beautiful...beautiful in how hideously ugly it is. Incredible, isn't it! I've never seen anything like it, at least not since last week. Okay, there was the week before that, and then three weeks ago. But except for these strange weekly occurrences, I've never seen anything like it.

Neelix (frantically running onto the bridge):

What's going on? Can I get in the way somehow? You know it's part of my responsibility to get in the way as much as possible.

Kes (running onto the bridge after Neelix):

Captain, I believe the multidimensional array is causing something weird to happen to me. I feel as though I'm being budgeted or something. I am sensing something about the array, an intelligence, wait, no, a lack of intelligence.

Janeway:

Yes, something with a lack of intelligence, of course! No wonder we were drawn to it. Suddenly I feel as though we have finally come home.

Disclaimers:
Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager, and all the rest of the deep-space franchise are copyrights and trademarks, etc. of Paramount. This parody is an example of fair use for purposes of criticism. No infringement on the rights of Paramount is intended. If you enjoyed this little script, how wonderful for you—how lucky you are! If you don't find this absolutely hilarious, you can gotothedevil. I don't care if you don't have one or do understand the habits of ours.