loyd.net

This takes several running jokes with my friends and wraps them into a tidy, apocalyptic package. It is about as decipherable as the various sources which inspired it.

And round about the bench, were four bailiffs full of napalm before and behind. And the first bailiff was like a hot beer, and the second bailiff like a cold pizza, and the third bailiff had a jar as of oatmeal, and the fourth bailiff was like a floating balloon.

And I saw when the judge opened one of the files, and I heard, as it were the noise of helicopters, one of the four bailiffs saying, Come and see. And I saw, and behold a white Chevy pick-'em-up-truck: and he that rode in it had a legal pad; and a juror number was given unto him: and he went forth sequestering, and to sequester.

And when he had opened the second file, I heard the second bailiff say, Come and see. And there went out another pick-'em-up-truck that was a red Dodge: and power was given to him that rode therein to take jurors from the earth, and that they should subpoena one another: and there was given unto him the smell of napalm.

And when he had opened the third file, I heard the third bailiff say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black Ford pick-'em-up-truck; and he that rode in it had a pair of saucepans in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four bailiffs say, Ready, begin, alpha romeo zulu one, three tango charley one; am I driving?

And when he had opened the fourth file, I heard the voice of the fourth bailiff say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale Toyota pick-'em-up-truck: and his name that rode in it was Tommy, and Tommy's Brother followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the jurors, to sell with napalm, and with telecommunications, and with advertisements, and with the rock 'n' rollers with one foot in the grave.

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