I have a morbid sense of humor. It's the only thing that keeps me alive.
Talking to one's self is a sign of genius...at least, that's what I tell myself.
My Theory of Relativity: The closer you approach your relatives, the slower time seems to go.
Half of one and six dozen of the other.
They say memory is the first thing to go. Well, I'm not sure if that's what they say or not. I just can't recall.
Life is...a magazine. It's also a cereal and a board game.
It's hard to install a sprinkler system when you're busy putting out fires.
There's no such thing as a stupid question, there are just stupid people.
The only culture in my life is growing in my refrigerator.
Given a list of n items, it is usually possible to recall n - 1 items.
My brain is like a red, red rose; it fades real fast, then dead, dead goes.
I'm so brilliant, my mom calls me daughter.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, why settle for second best?
Universities and psychiatric hospitals are all mental institutions.
